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Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Aspergers and negative reactions

A short (and not that sweet) entry this week but am sure that many of you will relate...
Sometimes (often) it's the little but constant things that are the most annoying and disheartening to deal with.
Yesterday, over dinner, I was telling Ethan about the activities that Ava was going to be doing on her school residential in a couple of weeks. The conversation went something like this:
Me (cheerily): The itinerary sounds really full on. They get them up at 7am, activities start at 8.30am and go right through until 9pm at night. They're doing abseiling, canoeing, raft-making, climbing, caving, obstacle courses, team-building...
Ethan (disdainfully): I hope they've got some good supervision.
And that was the end of that conversation. It was so irritating that, out of all the ways he could have responded -said how good it sounded, what a great time she'd have, even just an 'oh wow' - that he said something negative and scathing. It's like his mind is auto-set to respond in the most negative way possible to every piece of  information. I understood his point - they would need good supervision with that many kids doing those kinds of activities and it was a valid concern. But maybe mention that after you've said how good it sounds or, if you're going to take that as your initial approach, say it in a half-jokey 'wow, it's gonna be crazy' kind of a way. There was none of that with Ethan, just negativity. And the effect on me was instant deflation.

I finished my food, popped my plate in the dishwasher and went upstairs to put the kids to bed, feeling weary. 

4 comments:

  1. It does make you feel weary doesn't it Laura. It's that deflated feeling you get when you are feeling enthusiastic about something but all you get back is negativity. Mr H is much the same, putting a negative spin on almost everything I say, but I try not to react these days, and like you, go off and do something else, albeit feeling like I've had a bucket of cold water chucked at me !
    Hannah x

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  2. Thank you! Now I know I am not alone. Extreme negativity is what I get all the time. I have got to the stage when I don't even express my happiness about most things. Which is really sad, isn't it? Too tired to comment more intelligently at the moment. It really helps to hear your stories. Thank you again. x

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  3. I just discovered your blog and was reading through and think it's not only great, but a great way to vent. My kids are older but the same thing happens. I get all excited about something the kids did or a something we saw or a gift we got etc. All he can say is "that's nice". Even says it for things i get him! I'm thinking that's all he has to say? Unfortunately after 20+ years of marriage it is getting impossible to live with. While the kids were young I guess I was preoccupied with them. Off to college (though 1 came home without finishing, who lied, spent all our money for classes he didn't go to, depression) and it was just him and myself it's all hit me pretty hard. As much as you try you know the old adage, you can't changet anyone! The worse is the defensiveness. No matter what you tell them they're always right, you're always wrong. Thanks for sharing your life with an aspie!

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  4. I just discovered your blog and was reading through and think it's not only great, but a great way to vent. My kids are older but the same thing happens. I get all excited about something the kids did or a something we saw or a gift we got etc. All he can say is "that's nice". Even says it for things i get him! I'm thinking that's all he has to say? Unfortunately after 20+ years of marriage it is getting impossible to live with. While the kids were young I guess I was preoccupied with them. Off to college (though 1 came home without finishing, who lied, spent all our money for classes he didn't go to, depression) and it was just him and myself it's all hit me pretty hard. As much as you try you know the old adage, you can't changet anyone! The worse is the defensiveness. No matter what you tell them they're always right, you're always wrong. Thanks for sharing your life with an aspie!

    ReplyDelete