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Saturday, 12 July 2014

Aspergers and self-control (or lack of it)

Anyone else experience an utter lack of self-control in their Aspergers spouse?
Be it a family size tub of Pringles, treats for the kids' lunchboxes, a bottle of wine or a 'share size' (the clue's in the labelling) tub of Ben and Jerry's - he polishes off the lot with gay abandon. Never a thought for the other four people in his family, most significantly for me for his hard-working wife (yes, I know, he works hard too) who might fancy a glass of wine when she gets in, or for the next day when our cupboards are bare! He seems to live completely in the moment - as a child would.
He doesn't seem to have a 'moderation' switch in his brain - everything is all or nothing. Whether it's extreme dieting (after a week of polishing off all our crisps and chocolate) where he eats nothing all day until tea-time and comes home from lugging heavy equipment around all day faint with hunger, or DIY projects that take over his mind so completely and utterly that his family cease to exist until the task is done. He just doesn't seem able to do something - anything - 'a little bit'.
It doesn't make him the worst person in the world but it is pretty annoying when you've been looking forward to your favourite programme with some ice-cream all day only to find, when you open the freezer door, that it's all gone. It doesn't make you feel very considered - or even remembered at all. Does he recollect, as he slurps the last bit of ice-cream from the tub, that he has a wife - who might like some too?!
And, in all honesty, I find it hard sometimes to respect a man who has trouble controlling himself. It doesn't make you feel you can comfortably trust yourself and your family to his care and leadership. Maybe I'm being a bit harsh - but that's how it makes me feel.

Now, where are those Pringles I hid under the bed?!

4 comments:

  1. Yes Yes Yes Laura!
    No moderation, no self control, just like a child. It's probably what gets to me the most, and is what has lost Mr H a lot of my respect over the years; when he behaves like a child I want to treat him like one, rather than my adult partner and soulmate. It's not good for our relationship, but I can't talk to him about how I feel, he just doesn't get it.
    Hannah x

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  2. I know just how lonely this life is and at times their selfishness feels devastating, as though we mean nothing to them beyond a familiar presence in their life. Soul destroying in the extreme. I am so thankful to all of you with the courage to speak out on here. Many days this is the only place I know that I have not lost my sanity. X.

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    1. Maryann, keep reading, keep replying, that's how we stay sane x

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    2. Thank you Hannah, I will keep reading and replying, I need this place and am deeply grateful you are all here. X

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