Does Aspergers come with built in self-indulgence, lack of initiative and absolutely no perception of what a situation requires? Or do I just have a husband who is self-indulgent, lacks initiative and has absolutely no perception, as well as having Aspergers? Seems very unlucky!
He has been off work all week with a bad knee. I am absolutely sick of the sight of him lying on the sofa with his iPad. A couple of nights ago I was making tea, baking cupcakes for the school sports day, doing packed lunches (all simultaneously) and being continually interrupted and whined at by small children. Amidst it all, Ethan nodded off on the sofa, opened iPad on his lap.
The day before I instructed him that he had to help Ava with her homework. The experience was traumatic for everyone. Ethan gazed off into the distance whilst Ava tried to equally divide up rectangles in ten different ways. I got cross with Ethan for not engaging in the process (particularly when I came over and saw that Ava hadn’t been dividing her rectangles equally and that Ethan was totally unaware). Ava got upset that we were arguing. Ethan got upset that I was interfering. It’s easier to do things myself.
He’s been hobbling through the week looking for sympathy while I race through my days doing all the jobs (it’s generally at least 9.30pm by the time I’ve finished tidying up from one day and getting ready for the next – I’ve asked Ethan to do the packed lunches a couple of times but the kids never eat the sandwiches he makes. Again, it’s more productive to do it myself!). I’ve phoned the doctor because he wouldn’t remember or be bothered to. The doctor called back while I was doing the school run. Ethan didn’t hear the phone.....argh. So I called them back again and put the phone in Ethan’s hand. I’ve bought him Ibuprofen but he doesn’t take them unless I get them out of the packet and put them in his hand...
The leaving everything to me and being utterly disengaged with family life unless I’m forcing him into it seems to be getting worse. And I’m getting more and more impatient and irritable about it. The relationship does not feel equally weighted. It feels like a drain at the moment, rather than a healthy, functioning relationship in which we are both being built up and developed.
Don’t know what the answer is. In the meantime, I’m going out tonight BEFORE bedtime and leaving it all to him. Don't know who I feel more sorry for - him or the kids!