Monday 28 January 2019

Choosing what to focus on...

Have been away a long time.

Although, actually, in terms of my life and finding positive ways forward, have been very present. Which is why I've been so absent on this blog. I've been too busy making things work to write about things not working!

And perhaps it's partly not focusing on what's wrong - in my marriage, with my husband, in our family, that's helped me to find enough of what's right to find a way forward.

I've found that moaning about my husband (on this blog or face to face) isn't always helpful. Sure, it's definitely good to vent at times, and to share experiences and to know that other people are facing the same challenges and that we're not a) alone b) crazy c) just the partner of someone with Asperger's but are so much more than that...

However, sometimes, it's also important to look past the frustration and to chose to focus not on the negatives but on what is positive about our partners (I know that my husband would never, ever cheat on me, he's amazing at sorting out practical problems, he does his best - most of the time, he criticises me far less than I criticise him...) I know that not everyone is so lucky and that some days it can be really hard to find anything positive to be thankful for or to focus on, but it's a path that I'm trying to take.

Since last writing a post on this blog, I've discovered that my ten-year-old son also has Asperger's Syndrome. In his innocent, childlike way, he's very open to telling people that he has a different kind of mind and, so far, his friends are all very accepting of it (far more than my generation of adults are of each other - my partner still hasn't told anyone about his Asperger's). At his tender age, my son seems to have found a peace within himself (he has his moments, obviously...) and has a healthy self-awareness so that, even when he's having his meltdowns or feeling overwhelmed, he recognises it for what it is and can get his perspective back pretty quickly. I'm glad, for him, that he's got an understanding early on of who he is and how his mind works and that, so far, his peers seem very accepting of the various issues amongst them (one has dyslexia, another has Asperger's and another has anxiety... it's almost become 'normal' not to be 'normal'! Plus they all get an extra 15 minutes in their SATs which has to be a bonus!)

So, I'm sorry to have been away so long. But I'm glad that, for me and my family, we're finding ways to move forward - with all of our hangups, personalities, strengths and weaknesses. And I do hope that you are too.