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Friday, 8 March 2013

Aspergers - no hugs but plenty of coffee and chocolate

Feel a bit overloaded today.
Sorry for myself, I guess. Like that rose, often talked about in Aspergers relationships, withering in a desert with only a prickly cactus for company. Can't get close to the cactus because I get pricked, and don't have the energy anyway as I'm dehydrated and wilting. It's becoming a problem how infrequently I am hugged or kissed, or spoken tenderly to by my husband. And anything beyond hugging is as fleeting as sunburn on a British summer holiday!
When every day seems full of a million little hassles and demands (school uniforms, packed lunches, 7-year-old daughter having issues at school that require me to have awkward conversations with other mums, 2-year-old in trouble at pre-school for pushing, my dad being ill and an hour's drive away, making tea, helping with homework, getting shouted or cried at by daughter who is seemingly hitting puberty early, trying to keep up with friends, remembering to phone sister, etc, etc) a hug from my husband, the odd suprise dinner made or night out, or even a few kind words of encouragement, would go a long way.
And I know that I'm as much to blame as Ethan. I don't hug him a lot. I criticise rather than encourage. And I know I'm pretty stressy and needy at the moment. But I feel some of it is a reaction to how he is towards me, and how incredibly difficult our relationship is most of the time.
I don't know what the answer is. Two weeks on a beach in the sun would help...
Failing that, I know we need to talk more, read more (about Aspergers), do the excercises in the book I'm reading at the moment (Loving someone with asperger's syndrome, Cindy N Ariel, PhD - it's helpful, I recommend it) but finding the time, energy and inclination inbetween three young children, jobs and all the other demands of life just seems insurmountable sometimes.
Thank goodness for lattes and chocolate. Maybe they're better than hugs anyway!

4 comments:

  1. ** hug hug ** welcome to the wonderful, albet crazy, world of 'life with an aspie'! i do absolutely guarantee that you will not be bored... lol

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    1. xx Nice to know there are more of us out there! Life's certainly never dull. And I actually feel really proud of what Ethan's achieved and achieving with the struggles he has. But it's always easier to dwell on the negatives, isn't it?!
      Need to try and be more positive. And laugh more!

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  2. Tx for the book reference, I am encouraged as a whole just by reading the reviews, such as those written by the Aspies (husbands). Imma gonna order this book online......!

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  3. am new to this website. it was really good to read this! Whenever i try to kiss or hug my husband, he physically distances himself/pushes me away. Initially, i used to wonder if he was gay or if i repulsed him. But now i know!

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