Feel a bit overloaded today.
Sorry for myself, I guess. Like that rose, often talked about in Aspergers relationships, withering in a desert with only a prickly cactus for company. Can't get close to the cactus because I get pricked, and don't have the energy anyway as I'm dehydrated and wilting. It's becoming a problem how infrequently I am hugged or kissed, or spoken tenderly to by my husband. And anything beyond hugging is as fleeting as sunburn on a British summer holiday!
When every day seems full of a million little hassles and demands (school uniforms, packed lunches, 7-year-old daughter having issues at school that require me to have awkward conversations with other mums, 2-year-old in trouble at pre-school for pushing, my dad being ill and an hour's drive away, making tea, helping with homework, getting shouted or cried at by daughter who is seemingly hitting puberty early, trying to keep up with friends, remembering to phone sister, etc, etc) a hug from my husband, the odd suprise dinner made or night out, or even a few kind words of encouragement, would go a long way.
And I know that I'm as much to blame as Ethan. I don't hug him a lot. I criticise rather than encourage. And I know I'm pretty stressy and needy at the moment. But I feel some of it is a reaction to how he is towards me, and how incredibly difficult our relationship is most of the time.
I don't know what the answer is. Two weeks on a beach in the sun would help...
Failing that, I know we need to talk more, read more (about Aspergers), do the excercises in the book I'm reading at the moment (Loving someone with asperger's syndrome, Cindy N Ariel, PhD - it's helpful, I recommend it) but finding the time, energy and inclination inbetween three young children, jobs and all the other demands of life just seems insurmountable sometimes.
Thank goodness for lattes and chocolate. Maybe they're better than hugs anyway!