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Sunday, 31 March 2013

Aspergers and positive thoughts

Positive thoughts about the benefits of having an Aspergers husband. I know that’s what I promised for this blog post...But argh – tossing our friend’s blanket on the driveway (I can only presume so that the person wouldn’t knock at our door), texting for ages at his own son’s birthday party while invited guests threw themselves into musical statues, and exclaiming ‘na-na-you lost’ to our 5-year-old during a ‘jolly’ family board game – the fresh memory of these incidents is making positive thought hard. However, a promise is a promise (even if it is only to myself!) and Easter is the time of hope and new beginnings, So:

Loyalty – Ethan wouldn’t write a blog to rant about how inefficient, stressy, shouty and nagging I am. He always talks me up to people and tells me how great I am and how well I’m doing with the kids, him (!), life.

Low-maintenance – Ethan places very little demands on my time and energy (my patience is another matter!) because he’d generally rather spend time on his own than with me! Reading that back, it doesn’t sound like a positive attribute, or like a positive habit for marriage. But at the moment, with 3 demanding kids and me trying to carve out the little time I get to write or read or see friends, it’s kind of a relief.
Having nice stuff– our house is filled with good commodities at a fraction of the cost and our mortgage is low because Ethan does his research. In fact he positively loves researching boring things like interest rates, the best available light bulbs (really!) and what box would look best in our front room to house the many electronic gadgets he possesses. I have absolutely no interest in any of this stuff and our house would look a state and we’d be cooking on a camping stove and my kids would be teased for not having a clue about DSXLs if it wasn’t for him.

His softness – despite him coming across as aggressive and cross at times, he’s actually quite tender-hearted and loves us all a lot. And he can, and does, tell us.

He’s always here – OK, this doesn’t always feel like a positive thing but, with few friends and no interest in going to the pub every night or playing golf or going to the match every Saturday, he’s pretty much either at work, or at home. So he’s always around to help with the kids, or to babysit so that I can go out and do those things (well, not the golf...or football, but the girlie equivalents).

He knows about everything (except socialising!) – totally randomly, he was even able to advise me on what types of bath chairs there are to help elderly people in and out of baths. There’s no reason why he should know this stuff, he just does.
He’s great at his job. Because it involves gadgets, technology and visual creativity: Three areas in which he excels. And he works hard and is committed.

And he’s also committed to us – his family. And to trying to change where he can, to be the best husband and dad that he can be.
And as long as we both keep trying to be the best we can be for each other. And saying sorry when we mess up and getting ourselves back on track, we’ll be OK I think. I also need to remember to hide his mobile before our next kid’s party...

1 comment:

  1. Wow. That is really cool. I would have given pretty much a similar list of my partner.

    Really really nice.