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Thursday, 26 February 2015

Aspergers money and the little irritations



Some days and weeks I am quite tolerant of Ethan’s eccentricities and self-absorbed ways. This week I’m not.

When Ethan greeted the news that he’d had a pay-rise of an extra £60 per month with the words ‘So no more arguments about me buying a car’ I was irritated. An extra £60 a month is not going to cover the £10,000 car that he’s decided he absolutely must have. More to the point, perhaps that extra £60 a month should go towards paying off our overdrafts or credit card bill or being able to go on a family holiday in the summer. His view is that he’s got the money by working hard so it’s his to do with what he likes. The implication then surely being that I don’t work hard (although I would say being at home with the kids the bulk of the time plus working part-time is equally as hard a role as his is). Even if he acknowledges that I do work hard (which he does, to be fair) that doesn’t seem to earn me £10,000 to spend on myself.  The difference between us in terms of money seems to be that I think of us as a family unit and he thinks of him. Fume. 

Secondly, what sometimes (OK, very occasionally) seem like unique, funny, harmless little ways he has, are really annoying me this week. Things like him having to have his own towels (God forbid he should have to use a towel that has touched the body of another member of his family!) and having to have certain pillow cases (that therefore need to be washed, dried and put back on his pillows in the same day) and removing clothes from radiators the moment I’ve put them on there and stamping his foot or banging the table when he sneezes. Grrrr.

But the most I can do (until Easter Sunday anyway) is calmly point out these things, or take a deep breath and walk away...I’ve given up arguing with him for lent.
If you’re interested in talking to others about how issues of money play out in your AS/NT relationship, head to http://www.different-together.co.uk/lets-talk-forum/ and join the Money Matters thread. You’ll need to become a member of Different Together (if you haven’t already) to join in the chat, but it’s very easy to do – you just need to click on Join on the forum page and follow the quick and simple instructions. See you there!

2 comments:

  1. I've commented about the money aspect over on different together, but why is it that those irritating little eccentricities are sometimes so much more irritating ? Sometimes I find myself mildly irritated by Mr H's loud nose blowing, his loud coughing and sneezing, his need to say "oh dear" every time he yawns, having to speak to his sister at the same time every week, his habit of switching the bedroom light on if he gets up in the night, thus waking me........ ( could go on for another page or 2!) at other times I am almost ready to kill him for the same thing. At the moment I am at the "close to murder" stage, mainly because he woke me up at 4.15 this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep. Watch this space!
    Hannah x

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  2. So helpful to read your posts. I'm only just realising what all these eccentricities in my husband point to. I made some really clear ground rules about finances at the beginning of our relationship due to a bad experience in a previous relationship so it's not been an issue for us until now when we're expecting our first child and he's incredibly argumentative about paying for any changes to the house or things for the baby. Now that I'll be on maternity pay and then reducing my working hours we'll need to negotiate a new agreement which I'm definitely anxious about!
    And the towels!!! My husband has a very different towel obsession to yours. He has no sense of smell and thinks I'm extremely wasteful in washing them even once a fortnight. This is a constant source of tension between us with me getting fed up with smelly towels and him being incensed when I've removed a perfectly ok (in his view) towel for a wash and replaced it with another. He's got a similar thing about dishes and is much happier reusing dirty dishes than taking a clean one from the cupboard although thankfully less upset when I wash them every day. Of course, this does result in me doing all the laundry and most of the dish washing. I've just found the forum from your recommendation and joined. Think I'll need it to save my sanity as we adapt to the changes a new baby is bringing. Thank you so much for writing this blog.

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