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Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Aspergers - when positive thinking is not enough.

Argh...despite my nauseously good intentions and positive thoughts, tonight this man is driving me crazy.
Why does he communicate everything by shouting-at me and at the kids? Why does he omit to do things properly (him getting Oliver ready for bed consisted of him telling Oliver to get his clothes off and put his pants in the wash while he, Ethan, lay on our bed reading a book about the mysteries of the universe-really!) And then, when it transpires that everything hasn't gone perfectly (an only-just-four-year-old cannot extricate his pants from inside his screwed-up trousers) it's always the other person's fault. And they get, you've guessed it, shouted at. I know why, of course, this bloody syndrome we live with that seems to get more out of control as the week goes on and Ethan gets tireder.
It's actually harder work having him around sometimes.
Argh again.
The positive thinking is really wearing thin. Pass me the vodka...


  1. Hi Laura. I was so impressed ( and very envious of your positive mindset!) by your last positive post. But think of this as a minor setback. Hopefully the positives will outweigh the negatives, but I agree, it often feels easier to do it on your own. Talking to my friends, most complain about the same things, which is why I wonder about the fine line between Aspergers and extreme male brain.
    Enjoy your vodka - tonic, ice and lime?
    Take care,
    Hannah x

  2. Hi Hannah,
    I agree - it is a fine line. I hear similar complaints from lots of my friends too. Either they're all married to men with Aspergers or Aspergers and 'maleness' are very closely linked!
    Everyone in bed now and all is peaceful so feeling more tranquil. Have made do with a cup of tea and chocolate biscuit!

    1. Hi Laura
      I have just come upon your blog and am reading with great interest. I have an Asperger's spouse. We have been together 34 years. Randy was diagnosed in 2006.
      Living with Asperger's is really a one day at a time thing. I have learned that over the years. Some days are better than others(keeping it positive) but it is always there.
      Another thing that has helped me is an understanding that there are two things going on. Randy is Randy and sometimes he is just an asshole(excuse my French) and he CAN help that....then again sometimes he is Randy with Asperger's brain and he can't help that. One needs to be accommodated the other does not.
      We have established a rule around here( Asperger Randy does rules) that #1 we must be civilized with each other (no yelling or shouting). That never helps. It has helped tremendously all the way around. Of course we fall off the wagon,but reminders about the rule tend to diffuse situations quickly and let us respond rather than react. Just a thought of the day from one NT spouse to another. Terry Parry

  3. Dear Laura, I was pinning and took a break from Pinterest to read you blog. I've learned to be grateful for a laugh, because without it we would be crushed. It wS so funny when I noticed the date of last blog-24 hours after the previous! Do I know the feeling?! Just when you feel like some equal territory has been gained. Or you feel like you could actually survive living with this man, then within a day it manages to shake up reality right in yer face! Thanks for the laugh and all my sympathy to you in your sincere determination to keep going, keep loving.