tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78657470708306701452024-02-18T17:29:58.597-08:00Muddling through - an Aspergers taleAn honest, open account of the ups and downs of family life in a neuro-typical/Asperger's Syndrome partnership. Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.comBlogger158125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-50104765718284586722019-01-28T06:20:00.000-08:002019-01-28T06:20:04.331-08:00Choosing what to focus on...Have been away a long time.<br />
<br />
Although, actually, in terms of my life and finding positive ways forward, have been very present. Which is why I've been so absent on this blog. I've been too busy making things work to write about things not working!<br />
<br />
And perhaps it's partly not focusing on what's wrong - in my marriage, with my husband, in our family, that's helped me to find enough of what's right to find a way forward.<br />
<br />
I've found that moaning about my husband (on this blog or face to face) isn't always helpful. Sure, it's definitely good to vent at times, and to share experiences and to know that other people are facing the same challenges and that we're not a) alone b) crazy c) just the partner of someone with Asperger's but are so much more than that...<br />
<br />
However, sometimes, it's also important to look past the frustration and to chose to focus not on the negatives but on what is positive about our partners (I know that my husband would never, ever cheat on me, he's amazing at sorting out practical problems, he does his best - most of the time, he criticises me far less than I criticise him...) I know that not everyone is so lucky and that some days it can be really hard to find anything positive to be thankful for or to focus on, but it's a path that I'm trying to take.<br />
<br />
Since last writing a post on this blog, I've discovered that my ten-year-old son also has Asperger's Syndrome. In his innocent, childlike way, he's very open to telling people that he has a different kind of mind and, so far, his friends are all very accepting of it (far more than my generation of adults are of each other - my partner still hasn't told anyone about his Asperger's). At his tender age, my son seems to have found a peace within himself (he has his moments, obviously...) and has a healthy self-awareness so that, even when he's having his meltdowns or feeling overwhelmed, he recognises it for what it is and can get his perspective back pretty quickly. I'm glad, for him, that he's got an understanding early on of who he is and how his mind works and that, so far, his peers seem very accepting of the various issues amongst them (one has dyslexia, another has Asperger's and another has anxiety... it's almost become 'normal' not to be 'normal'! Plus they all get an extra 15 minutes in their SATs which has to be a bonus!)<br />
<br />
So, I'm sorry to have been away so long. But I'm glad that, for me and my family, we're finding ways to move forward - with all of our hangups, personalities, strengths and weaknesses. And I do hope that you are too.Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-19030842398274923062017-01-23T14:20:00.002-08:002017-01-23T14:20:56.802-08:00Negative or practical? Argh! Why do they seem to delight in finding fault whenever possible? Why, when there's a choice between seeing/pointing out something positive and helpful or seeing/pointing out something negative and unhelpful, do they always go for the latter? Have just shouted at my Aspergergic other half, in full hearing of my 11-year-old daughter, that I feel like stabbing him....not ideal bedtime conversation for my daughter to overhear but was exasperated beyond belief. He's been saying to me for ages that we should get our very flexible 6-year-old to gymnastics classes (by 'we' he obviously means me), so I've done it-arranged a trial session for tomorrow at 4pm which he will have to take Oliver to as I'll be at work. When he discovered it's a few miles away and lasts for an hour his response was 'What are you going to do when I'm working? You can't drag Sam there for an hour. I think they can only really do clubs that are in the village' (which narrows it down to swimming and football!) Reading this back I can see he was probably just thinking out loud and genuinely wondering how it would work with an 8-year-old in tow. And maybe, after 17 years, I'm like a tightly coiled spring poised to snap at anything resembling a negative reaction from him. But, flipin heck, he's been on for ages about getting Oliver to proper gym lessons (as opposed to a school hall with a couple of benches), I've done it and he's still moaning and pointing out everything that's wrong. It does crush the spirit somewhat. The downside to my righteous indignation, however, is that he might have a point...Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-7043198346637276802016-12-09T09:01:00.000-08:002016-12-09T09:01:02.086-08:00Minor but irritating Asperger traits #1: Magic tricks<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For the last few weeks we’ve taken to having ‘Sunday night
family time’ watching Britain’s Next Great Magician on TV. Everyone’s a winner.
The kids love it, it’s actually, for the most part, quite entertaining and it
requires far less effort at the end of a busy week than reading a bedtime
story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">However, I do have one complaint: Ethan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He either has to smugly claim that he knows how each trick
is done (and thus take the magic out of magic trick for us all) or, if there’s
a trick he can’t explain, he’ll rewind the programme, slow it right down (the
wonders of modern technology for a person with Asperger’s) and carry out a detailed
study. Needless to say, this is really annoying for everyone else watching the
programme. I also find it sad (and infuriating) that he needs to know how
everything works – fiercely practical always. Where’s the space for dreaming,
wonder, make-believe? But anything he can’t explain, pin down to science and
reason, seems to bother him. It’s part of him feeling in control of his world,
I guess. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I think that being able to explain a magic trick, if only to
himself, makes him feel good, self-assured, right. And being right boosts his
self-esteem when so often in life and social situations, he is wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The rest of us, weirdly, watch a magic show for the magic.
So, this week, I’m keeping tight hold of the remote control!</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-36149815668623951022016-08-22T14:25:00.000-07:002016-08-22T14:25:03.589-07:00I don't understand<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s very rare that I get a chance to write anything on this
blog these days – with full-time work (to try and recoup some of the debt my
husband has got us into), three kids (one of them currently being assessed for
Asperger’s) and all the demands of everyday life that we all face. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I want to thank everyone who’s commented on any of the blog
posts recently – the people with Asperger’s Syndrome who, quite rightly and
helpfully, are defending and seeking to explain Ethan’s behaviour and reminding
me of the immense pressures and difficulties that people with Asperger’s face
in our increasingly emotional, chaotic and socially overloading world. On the
other hand, there are us, the partners, who are living with the person who is
struggling to function in life. And we’re trying to bring up children with them
yet bearing most of the responsibility for this ourselves (often having to repair
the damage that our AS partners have unwittingly inflicted). And we don’t have
Asperger’s – we do need to connect with our partners, we do need to feel
supported and understood. We need to have a decent conversation once in a while
and not be side-lined every night in favour of the telly or computer. And when
we’re upset, we want to be really listened to and feel that we’re getting some
kind of reaction and feedback to what we’re saying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Because, and I can only speak for myself now, however much I
try to understand my Asperger’s partner, the reality is I can’t. I can’t
understand how something that, for me is part of being human and which I don’t
even think about, for him, isn’t there. I can’t understand how, when we’re out
for a walk and we bump into a couple we know vaguely and, while I’m talking to
the wife and the husband is desperately trying to get a conversation out of
Ethan and says ‘I miss our dog’, that Ethan says ‘mmm’, rather than ‘oh, what
type of dog did you have?’ (the conversation, obviously didn’t go any further).
I don’t understand why, when our
eight-year-old says proudly to Ethan when measuring himself against our height
chart that tells you weird and wacky things you’re as tall as, ‘I’m as tall as
the world’s tallest two and a half year old,’ that he would respond gruffly, ‘you
act like a two and a half year old sometimes’ and make him cry. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I’m sorry if my blog posts seem overly negative towards
Ethan. I do love him. I admire him hugely for his persistence, his loyalty, his
refusal to give up – on me or himself, his willingness to take the criticism I
fire his way and to try and learn from it. And I’m thankful to him for the sacrifices
he makes every day for us all and for how hard he works. And, believe me, I know I'm very far from perfect too and Ethan is very welcome to write a blog about how frustrating and incomprehensible I am! But I don’t understand
Ethan and I do find life with him incredibly difficult, and very lonely
sometimes. And so this blog post is for me – the neuro-typical partner – and for
all the other neuro-typical partners out there who are struggling. It’s a
springboard, a battering ram, a way to off-load my frustrations and connect
with others facing similar struggles. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m sorry to the people with Asperger’s but
this blog is primarily for the NT partners and so while I really, genuinely
appreciate you pointing things out about Ethan’s behaviour and why he is the
way he is – and you really have helped me to see things from his perspective
and have stopped me in my furious tracks sometimes and I’m grateful – but I’m
sorry that this blog is probably never going to say the things you want to
hear, because this blog is for the NT people who are trapped in an AS world,
rather than the other way around. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-38317980243482615582016-07-13T05:22:00.000-07:002016-07-13T05:22:17.794-07:00Aspergers and the imbalance of responsibility<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sometimes I wish I’d listened to those persistent (sometimes
raging) doubts that had told me I was making a huge mistake by marrying Ethan. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He is so difficult to live with at times, totally
dysfunctional to have a grown-up relationship with and almost impossible to
bring up kids with. It leaves me wondering what was left to draw me to him. But
I know really – it was the security, the stability and the flattery of being
utterly the centre of his world. I was his special interest for as long as it
took to get that ring on my finger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s not that he’s stopped trying now, or turned into a
tyrant. I know he does his best – most of the time. It’s just that his best is
woefully inadequate and it’s so frustrating that his best never gets any
better. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’ve learnt that, when I’m working and he’s in charge of the
kids, telling him over the phone what he needs to do doesn’t cut it. He’s
forgotten what I’ve said by the time I get off the phone. So these days I text
him the information. Today, in the midst of a really hectic schedule, I took
the time to text him the information for this afternoon (‘I’ll bring dinner
home, could you peel some potatoes, Sam needs to practice his spellings,
Oliver’s going to his friend’s house so don’t worry about him and Ava needs
picking up from church at 5pm’). I also emailed him Sam’s spellings to
practice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">5pm as I leave work I phone Ethan. This is our conversation:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Me: “Could you put the oven on so it’s warming up?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ethan: “Oven? Why am I putting the oven…er (I can hear him
scrabbling about in his conscious mind trying desperately to remember what he
realises he’s supposed to know)…What’s going in the oven?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Me (exasperated): “It doesn’t matter what’s going in the
oven, just that you turn it on please so it’s warming up….(silence)…for the
tea…that I’m bringing home.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ethan: Right…erm. OK…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Me: “What’s the problem? Just put it on. And then go and get
Ava. You do know it’s after 5pm?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ethan: “OK (pause)…Where’s Ava?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">By the time I got home, I was already wound up. So the
half-cooked pasta, chopped courgette and pepper and cold oven when I got home
was enough to break me. I couldn’t even appreciate the fact that he’d made a
start on dinner BECAUSE IT WAS THE WRONG DINNER. I HAD THE B*****Y DINNER IN MY
BAG! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Me: “You did at least practice Sam’s spellings with him, did
you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ethan (pleased with himself) “Yes, I did.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I felt slightly calmed. It was only when I was putting Sam
to bed later that night and he told me that Ethan had grabbed his head to make
him look at the spellings that my heart lurched. Up to that time Ethan had just been annoying
and unreliable. But the frequency with which he loses his temper with the kids
over normal childhood behaviour (“he wasn’t doing what I said”) genuinely bothers
me. As long as I don’t ask Ethan to do anything in the house or with the kids
while he’s in charge, there’s no harm done. But there’s also no jobs done,
meaning they’re all waiting for me when I get home. And who wants that?</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-19566439936837628412016-07-05T01:17:00.001-07:002016-07-05T01:17:18.060-07:00Aspergers and (not) adapting to circumstances<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Poor old Ethan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Another appointment missed today because of his inability to
adapt and respond to circumstances. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If I had an 08.30 appointment I’d bypass a sit-down breakfast
and have a coffee, cereal bar and banana in the car on the way. I’d have a
quick wash or a shower the night before (or I might just bypass the whole
ritual that day - being clean’s over-rated) and I’d factor in issues like rush
hour traffic to my journey time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Not so Ethan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He got up early – in plenty of time to get to his 08.30 appointment
on time. But his morning consisted of the following routine that, it seems, is
near on impossible for him to deviate from:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Have a leisurely sit-down breakfast of (warmed-up) fruit on
granola (he can’t have the fruit straight from the fridge – too cold) whilst
reading the news on his iphone. Normally takes about thirty minutes, followed
by a lengthy toilet visit and a shower (at least twenty minutes). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Factor in a bit of faffing around and a bit more time wasted
by the lure of the iphone and, despite having got up at 07.00, he didn’t set
off until 8.15. He returned ten minutes later as he was struck in traffic and it
dawned on him that there was no way he would get to his appointment on time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I feel slightly guilty that I didn’t step in, chivvy him
along, organise him a bit more but I have myself and three kids to get sorted
in the morning. Organising a 43-year old man isn’t high on my natural list of
priorities. So here he is at home, dressed for a work-out with a personal
trainer yet watching TV. Irritated and still insisting that the journey should
only have taken fifteen minutes (rush hour seems another anathema to him).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Maybe I should take the same approach he uses on our 11-year-old
daughter and confiscate his iphone. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-10397476021673191422016-06-10T14:35:00.002-07:002016-06-10T14:35:47.775-07:00Home again, home again jiggity-jig<div class="MsoNormal">
Just back from holiday with Ethan and the kids and need
another holiday to recover!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eleven days in a (very small) self-catering caravan on a Spanish
tourist site with an Aspergic husband and son (along with our neuro-typical
kids) was rather like an endurance test - with a few idyllic moments and amazing
views thrown in to keep us all going!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The stress started the moment our sandalled feet hit the
tarmac of the airport. Airports seem to hold a special terror for Ethan. Even
with two hours to go until boarding, Ethan got jittery with anxiety – eyes wide
and intense, voice raised, fingers twitching. He marched us through check-in
and security, leading from the front at a rate of knots, dragged children and
bags banging in to other passengers on the way. No time for Ava and I to indulge
in airport perks such as trying on perfume samples at duty free…except that we
did, because I refuse to (and refuse to let my kids be) ruled by Aspergers, and
we were on holiday for goodness sake.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our frivolous waste of precious minutes was met with silent building
pressure in Ethan leading to an angry look and an even faster pace to the
boarding gate, where we sat and waited for fifteen minutes for the shuttle bus
to take us to our plane. I couldn’t help pointing out that ‘I’d told him so.’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His reconciliatory comment on the plane that my perfume ‘smelt
nice’ did little to appease my resentment. I was already bracing myself for the
journey home….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
That said, Ethan’s intensive focus, his planning and
ordering of documents into carefully-labelled envelopes, his pre-booking of the
taxi to take us home from the airport, does get us all efficiently and easily
from A to B. It just somehow also saps all the joy out of the adventure. <o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-69935020907048038622016-06-04T02:14:00.002-07:002016-06-04T02:17:16.201-07:00Are you receiving me?!Anyone else out there in neuro-diverse partnerships experience their NT partner only giving half the information required?! My husband does it all the time! Frustratingly (or perhaps as a sub-conscious means of survival!) my brain never retains the incidents, except for this morning's which is still fresh in my memory...<br />
So, Ethan came into our room, out of no-where while I was getting dressed on holiday and said, 'Do you want to go for a walk by yourself today? I'll look after the kids, I don't mind."<br />
Seemed a bit of a random suggestion for a family holiday so I replied, "erm, no thanks. I'll stay with all of you..."<br />
To which, Ethan, seeming a bit put out, replied, "oh right, ok."<br />
It wasn't until later when I realised the date & mentioned to Ethan that it was the seventh anniversary of my mum dying that he said, genuinely confused, "yeah, I know. I've already spoken to you about it when I offered for you to go for a walk."<br />
The penny dropped...but when I mentioned that he hadn't mentioned the context of it being the anniversary of mum dying he was convinced he had communicated that information. What goes on in his head and what he thinks he's said compared to what he does say seem to be poles apart sometimes!Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-26466352936546481372016-05-29T13:43:00.001-07:002016-05-29T13:43:15.494-07:00Managing the unmanageable<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Going on holiday in the morning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Packing has been an interesting meeting of the minds. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ethan started preparing small 30 ml-sized plastic bottles a
couple of weeks ago, along with sticky labels for shampoo, shower gel and conditioner.
He also ordered two new suitcases and a weight checker. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ava texted me when I was out last night pleading with me to
come home because Ethan wouldn’t let her take her cleanser (not even in cargo
luggage) ‘because it was too big’. He is excelling himself in anal
retentiveness and old-woman fussing. Initially it drove me mad. But, as time
has gone on, I’ve realised there’s no point fighting it. He is who he is. So I’ve
let him do his little labelled bottles, his master packing list and his bag
weighing and I’ve sneaked in Ava’s cleanser along with some other
non-conforming moisturisers and face-washes. Because I’ve realised that, for
Ethan, regimenting the packing, making everything neat and uniform, is his way
of controlling the uncontrollable. Because, although the holiday is something
he’s looking forward to, it’s also something unfamiliar, out of the ordinary,
unchartered. And he needs to be able to compartmentalise it into manageable
chunks – quite literally. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And, actually, he was right to buy the extra suitcases. We’d
never have got everything into the one big and one small one we had. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Perhaps we do make a good team after all. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-41951244225463230682016-05-16T14:09:00.001-07:002016-05-16T14:09:34.013-07:00Aspergers, relationships and Mental Health Awareness Week<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Am particularly conscious, during this <a href="https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/mental-health-awareness-week">Mental
Health Awareness week</a> which focuses on relationships, of how mental health
affects not just the person with Asperger’s but the whole family around him or
her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This weekend was the perfect example of how Asperger’s
affects our family. A toy wooden boat fell on Ethan’s head as he was getting
something out of Sam’s wardrobe on Saturday (a toy wooden boat that Ethan
himself had put there, I hasten to add). Ethan’s anger immediately took hold.
He stormed downstairs with the wooden boat where he proceeded to smash it into
pieces. Sam cried, I shouted, Ethan fumed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The fallout lasted all day. I was so angry with my husband.
I was disappointed for my son. I had to spend the whole day with Ethan and go
to a party with him that night feeling rubbish and hurt and worn out with him.
Having spent the first ten years of our marriage sulking over events like this,
I have now learnt it’s a reaction that is completely counter-productive. I
tried to talk with Ethan about what had happened. But his refusal to accept any
blame (it’s the boat’s fault, it’s the wardrobe’s fault, he never played with
it anyway, it had some parts missing (it didn’t)) made me even more depressed
and frustrated. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Eventually, through my perseverance and refusal to let him
walk away from what he’d done – he admitted liability. He accepted that he’d
lost his temper, that he’d acted badly, that he needed to say sorry to Sam. But
it took all day to get to that point and I was still left feeling resentful that
I’d had to work hard on him all day for him to reach that point, and angry and
disillusioned that it had happened at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m reminded of the importance of the NT partners of AS
individuals to look after their own fragile mental health. To ensure they have
time for them and, crucially, time with other NT friends. So much of my life
with AS is hidden as Ethan doesn’t want people to know about his condition. I
understand that, and respect it, but it makes being able to off-load difficult
- if not impossible. Having one or two close friends that your partner agrees
can know about his/her AS and be your sanity (although often, unless they have
experienced living with someone with AS themselves, it can be hard for them to
really get it) can be a lifeline, as can forums like those on <a href="http://www.different-together.co.uk/lets-talk-forum/">Different Together</a>.
And, of course, writing a blog can help too :).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, this Mental Health Awareness Week, thanks for being my
sounding board, my confidante, my listening ear! And do protect your own mental
health however you need to – we’ve got a lot we need to be strong for.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-73464441380869673232016-05-05T04:46:00.001-07:002016-05-05T04:46:46.519-07:00Blame the Aspergers<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are times when I hope my husband’s more frustrating
traits are down to Asperger’s Syndrome and not anything else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">…like when I came downstairs this morning to find that our
new puppy had pooed all over her bed, and both her blankets. The poo had gone
inside the grooves of her cage and smeared onto the wall behind. I was alerted
to this fact by my daughter, Ava, proclaiming that Maggie had ‘pooed everywhere’
whilst letting her out of her cage to run her pooey paws all over the house.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What has any of this to do with Ethan and his Asperger’s,
you may ask? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was Ethan that put the puppy to bed last night: without the
waterproof mat that I’d placed on top of the cage ready to cover her bed. Instead
he’d shoved both her newly-washed blankets inside her bed ready to be smeared with
excrement so that we wouldn’t be able to use them the next day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The kids ended up being late for school, I had to deal with
far more poo before breakfast than anyone should have to face and Ethan
whizzed himself off to work. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But it’s not just the dog’s bed missing its most important
component, it’s the many other omissions, forgettings and just plain vacant
moments that make me wonder whether anything at all is going on inside Ethan’s
head. And that’s when I hope that it is Asperger’s to blame – rather than my
husband just being thick.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The same day (yesterday), I was at work and took the time to
text him an itinerary of what our various kids needed to be doing when. By the
time I got home at 6.30pm, Ava and her friend should have been at youth club
(itinerary instruction #1 ‘Ava and Jessie need to set off at 5.45pm for youth
group to be there for 6pm’) and Sam and Ethan should have had their tea and be
ready for the Cubs bike ride that was starting at 7pm. Instead what I was
greeted with when I got home was Ava and her friend happily playing with the
dog half an hour after their youth group had started and Sam
and Oliver only just sitting down to their tea. I managed to
get the girls out (late) to their club and Ethan and Sam to the bike ride – but
they only had a drink and snack because I remembered the
water bottles and biscuits that Ethan had forgotten and left by the front door. And Ethan came home freezing because he just walked out of the
house in what he was wearing (which wasn’t much).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I asked what was happening (or not happening) in Ethan’s
brain when he put the dog to bed and got ready to leave for the bike-ride last
night and this is what I discovered:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><<i>what I would be thinking></i>: ‘Right, I need to put
Maggie to bed so she needs her bed in her cage. I’ll take the blanket out so it
doesn’t get wee or poo on. And I need to put a mat in to soak up any wee or
catch any poo. There we go, ah – isn’t she cute? Here, have a stroke.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><<i>what Ethan thought></i> ‘Right, I need to put Maggie to
bed. So, grab the bed, put it in the cage, put her in cage.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><<i>what I would be thinking></i> ‘Right, I need to get to
this bike ride. What do I need? I’ve got bikes and helmets, I need the drink and
a snack. Do I need keys – no Laura will be in. Money? No. Jacket? It’s going to
get colder, I’ll grab a hoodie.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><<i>what Ethan thought></i> ‘Right, I need to go.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Maybe it’s just a man thing – but it can’t be a man-with-kids
thing. With three kids in tow he just needs to think things through a bit more.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m going away this weekend and Ethan is responsible not
only for looking after our kids for the weekend but also for getting Oliver to
football, Ava to dancing, Oliver (later) to a party and Sam to his gym class!
Maybe, with me totally out of the picture, he’ll rise to the challenge. And I need
to keep giving him the opportunities (or, rather, forcing him to engage his
brain) because the alternative is that I do everything all the time, which just
leads to me getting resentful and bitter (even if it does mean everything gets done
properly)!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Although I can’t rant too much – Ethan’s just whizzed the
swimming kit down to school for Sam that I forgot to hand in this morning!</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-2177979657338547512016-01-21T02:25:00.000-08:002016-01-21T02:25:08.422-08:00Asperger's and making the most of our differences<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m reading <i>The Rosie
Project</i> at the moment (only on chapter 3 so far but I highly recommend it –
it’s brilliant if you want to see the world (and the rest of us) from the
perspective of someone with Asperger’s and be able to laugh about our
differences – sometimes that’s our best weapon!) As I say, I’m only on chapter
3 but already it’s done a lot in my mind to redress the balance between us
(NTs) being right and those with AS being wrong – we’re different: we see
things differently, we react to things differently (if we react at all) and
therein lies the challenge. We want our AS partners to connect with us, to see
things our way. But, actually, by embracing our differences and working as a
team to each other’s strengths and weaknesses, could we be the perfect
partnership?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don’t know. It’s a question I’m asking myself too. And I know
there are all kinds of hurdles and misunderstandings and frustrations to work
through. I also know that, sometimes, like when your AS partner ignores a question
or someone’s greeting because he’s zoned out, that Asperger’s is at odds with
the world and that, if an aspie wants to build relationships and function well
in society, they need to adapt – even change, to a certain extent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But, at least sometimes, can we combine our very different
traits to get the best out of a situation? Take <i>The Rosie Project</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s such a breath of fresh air after serious, factual, self-help
books that I read some of it out to Ethan – the best part of a chapter. And
somewhere, in the middle of the chapter, was a reference to a hot January
evening. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I recall briefly (we’re talking a split second) wondering about
this as I read that line and surmising that the author must be being sarcastic (as
evenings clearly are not hot in January). I, even more briefly, recognised that
the sarcasm didn’t really work and was out of character for the narrator of the
book but didn’t dwell on it and was onto the next sentence without a second’s
hesitation. I had to stop a couple of times during my reading to inform Ethan
that ‘this was a funny bit and did he ‘get it’?’ since his face showed no
understanding, connection or hint of a smile. He, somewhat exasperatedly,
confirmed that ‘yes he did get it and yes it was funny and he was enjoying it,
could I please carry on.’ When I reached the end of the section Ethan’s response
was: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">‘Is it set in Australia?’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">‘Yes,’ I replied, bemused. ‘How do you know that?’ (‘and why
is that insignificant fact the one thing you’ve decided to pick up on?’ I
thought but didn’t say)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">‘Because he says about it being hot in January.’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">‘Ohhhhhh,’ I said, the penny dropping, ‘I knew it was set in
Australia and still didn’t realise that’s why it would be hot in January. I
thought he was just being sarcastic.’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ethan looked at me scathingly, ‘No. Why would he be?’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Why indeed? The bloke’s got AS for goodness sake! But maybe other
details that wouldn’t have made sense to me through the course of the novel now
will, thanks to Ethan and his penchant for seemingly unimportant details. We
make a good team!</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-72625169825269988682015-12-29T09:32:00.000-08:002015-12-29T09:32:01.370-08:00Aspergers Christmas spoiler #3<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's Christmas Day and he's opening the present you’ve bought him. The kids are excited because they’ve ‘helped’ wrap it. He opens it, looks at it, pauses a moment and says…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“Oh dear.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You know he has Aspergers - that he struggles to understand
even his own emotions, that present-giving with all eyes on him waiting for a
reaction is particularly pressured for him. But actually, right at that moment,
you’re just p****d off. Fed up with having a husband who deflates everyone
around him, fed up with having to pander to him and make excuses for him, fed
up with him always being miserable. So, even though it’s Christmas Day and you’re
in the middle of present-opening and all the kids are there and excited and you
don’t want to spoil the day for them, you find you just can’t hold it back. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“What <b>is </b>wrong with you?” you say. “I know you’ve got
Asperger's but there’s no excuse for being just bloody rude."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He looks awkward and does a kind of smirk, because he
doesn’t know what else to do, and that makes you even madder.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">“It’s not funny,” you shout at him, surrounded by wrapping
paper and a now crying daughter who’s begging you to stop arguing. “It’s just
horrible and rude and it’s now spoiled things for everyone. Why would you say
that? Even if it’s not something you want. You must surely know that’s not the
right thing to say when you open a present that somebody has brought for you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">At which point your husband tells you to stop being so
sensitive and walks out of the room. And you survey the scene before you of two
suddenly quiet boys who’ve developed an intense interest in the game of
wildlife scrabble that, two minutes earlier they had cast aside disdainfully as
it wasn’t Lego or something with a screen and your daughter who is wiping her
tears on her sleeve and you realise that, for their sake as well as your own,
you have to come back from this. That you can’t let it write-off Christmas Day.
That, actually, for a million different reasons, including the laptop, No.7
toiletry set, pestle and mortar and mini gifts from the kids that he’s bought,
wrapped and got the kids to write the labels on for you and the many Christmas
social gatherings that he’s come to and forced himself to perform at, you know he loves you and doesn’t mean to mess up so badly. So you kiss the kids,
tell them sorry and that it’s going to be fine and you go and find your
husband. Although you’re still mad and feel he’s the one that should be
apologising, you apologise for your part in the proceedings; for having a go at
him on Christmas Day in front of the kids. You tell him that you understand
that his Asperger’s makes it difficult for him to know what to say but, of all
the things he could have picked to say “Oh dear” was probably the worst. And the
steam is taken out of the situation. He apologises too. Says he knows it was a
stupid thing to say but that he just couldn’t think of anything else. He admits
that he already knew about the present because Ava had given it away two days
ago – so he was aware he had to act surprised even though he wasn’t and, it
seems, this was too much for his mind to process, along with the pressure of everyone
watching him and him being aware there was a kind of protocol that he should be
following. He doesn’t know why it was that ‘Oh dear’ came out but you suspect
it was an expression of how he felt under the pressure of the situation. After
all, Aspies find it hard to edit themselves – what they’re feeling or thinking
is generally what comes out while they’re busy trying to think of what they
should really be saying!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Christmas Day was saved. Ethan came back into the room, we
carried on opening presents. We even kissed in front of the kids to show we
weren’t mad with each other. I actually ended up feeling a bit sorry for him –
that, even in the relative comfort of his own home with just his family around,
he still felt panicked and stressed when he had to play a part that he wasn’t
sure of. Is there anywhere, anytime, anyplace that this guy can relax? Oh yes, that’ll be in the office in the dark
playing computer games…until I come and have a go at him for shutting himself
in there instead of being with his family. Hmmmm….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It ain’t easy! All we can do is keep picking ourselves up and trying again. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wish all of you, AS or NT and despite
the surface-level complications, highs and lows, tears and triumphs, a
foundation of happiness, acceptance and peace this new year.</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-54749463269719240202015-12-21T15:25:00.001-08:002015-12-23T02:03:30.526-08:00An Aspergers Christmas #2<b>Christmas spoiler #2</b><br />
Ethan had been home from work for about twenty minutes and seemed in quite good spirits. I took my chance to get him involved in the general merriment of Christmas by asking him to help the kids decorate their Christmas gingerbread house while I made tea. His intentions were great. He decided to up the festive mood by playing some Christmas music from the computer through the TV while they did it. However, by the third round of ‘Never do the tango with an Eskimo,’ it was clear something wasn't quite working! The problem of why the album wouldn’t move past track one became all-encompassing to Ethan. He became glued to his iPhone and the TV remote trying to sort it out whilst the kids got increasingly frustrated and impatient waiting to create their house. I got increasingly frustrated and impatient waiting for them to create their house. Any plea for Ethan to come off his phone, forget the music and help the kids with the gingerbread house were ignored or met with irritation. The kids didn't care about the bloody music; they just wanted to stick jelly tots onto an erected house. I didn't care about the bloody music; I just wanted Ethan to be the one to do this activity with them as I’d been with them all day and was trying to make tea. But Ethan continued to shut us all out and fiddle with his phone. Eventually, grumpy & minus music, he made a start on the house but wouldn’t let the kids near it and insisted that it must look exactly like the picture on the box (which he misinterpreted anyway). I lost my rag, shouted, grabbed the bits of house off him and did it myself. He walked away, the dinner burnt. The ironic thing was that, what could have been a lovely, jolly time was ruined by Ethan trying to make it a lovely, jolly time and getting angry when the jolliness wasn’t exactly the way he'd planned! That famous Asperger inability to adapt or prioritise doesn't take a break for Christmas!<br />
<br />
<b>Christmas blessing?</b><br />
He did come to say sorry afterwards. Even apologised to the kids.<br />
<br />
Small steps…!<br />
<br />
Merry Christmas.<br />
<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-34460922921653952582015-12-14T14:17:00.001-08:002015-12-14T14:17:24.666-08:00Christmas - Asperger's style<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A new theme to my (rather sporadic) blog posts for the
Christmas season inspired by us decorating our tree this weekend: <b>Christmas spoilers and blessings</b> - as
experienced when living with a partner with Asperger’s Syndrome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, picture the scene, the Christmas tree is up and Ethan
comes down from the loft carrying two boxes of tree decorations – collected and
made over many years of children’s Christmases. We (my five-year-old, seven-year-old,
ten-year-old and I) tear into the boxes, excited to begin this festive family
tradition. In our box of decorations we come across tinsel, of course, and
baubles – and more baubles…every now and again the continual stream of baubles is
made more exciting by the discovery of one of the children’s first Christmas
baubles or a ceramic angel with Ava’s name on. But steadily, the box is
emptying and something is still missing. The years’ and years’ worth of toilet
roll Father Christmases and cardboard angels that are the inevitable and
personal finishing touches to any family Christmas tree… the culmination of ten
years of children’s Christmases are all gone, save for a single glittery red
stocking and a cardboard manger scene that have survived Ethan’s cull. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Unbeknown to any of us, when putting the Christmas tree
decorations back in the loft last year, Ethan had taken it upon himself to sort
through them and had chucked out ‘the old, tatty-looking decorations’! He was utterly
desensitised to the fact that these were his children’s creations, lovingly and
excitedly made and tracking their creativity from toddler-hood to present-day. He
was thinking purely practically; they’d seen better days so out they went!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was gutted, obviously and astounded once again by the way
his mind works. However, after my emotional reaction fuelled by mulled wine, I
don’t think he’ll be doing it again! And the children have already set to work
creating new festive delights to adorn our house with!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The blessing, because I feel, particularly at this time of
goodwill, that I should counter any whinge with recognition of what I have to
be thankful for, is that Ethan has so far risen to the occasion, made the
effort, put a (sometimes slightly pained) smile on his face and has been
cheerful, sociable and (mostly) upbeat during what has been even for me a sociably-exhausting
couple of weeks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hoping he’s pacing himself cos we’ve got another three weeks
to go before he can slump into the hibernation of January! </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-27328470116532559202015-12-09T02:13:00.000-08:002015-12-09T02:13:22.934-08:00Aspergers and not quite connecting<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:DoNotShowPropertyChanges/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1026"/>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapelayout v:ext="edit">
<o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1"/>
</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I heard a talk from someone with Asperger’s Syndrome lately
where she mentioned the block that exists between AS and NT (neuro-typical)
people: a kind of invisible wall that neither person can penetrate. For the AS
person there’s a sense that, however hard they try to interact and impersonate
the rules of social engagement they’ll always be just slightly off the mark,
left with the sense that they’ve not quite got it right; not quite made the
connection. And for the NT on the other side, the feeling that this person that
they’re communicating with just isn’t quite getting it; isn’t quite tuned in,
is on a different wavelength.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I witnessed this at the weekend. We threw a party on
Saturday night (belated bonfire, early Christmas!). Ethan loves getting the
house ready for a party – tinkering with mood lighting, organising a system for
drinks, selecting a playlist…And, he starts off well – greeting people
enthusiastically, offering drinks, asking people questions. But he just can’t
keep it going. After a couple of hours he was starting to wilt. By the time we
were down to the last few stragglers who didn’t want to leave, mentally, Ethan was
gone. I was tired too but, as an NT, I could pretend I wasn’t and give the
impression that I was still interested and connected with the conversation.
Ethan couldn’t. I saw it as he made his point by tidying up around us and
turning the music off as people were still sitting chatting. And when a guy
tried to start up a conversation with Ethan by telling him about something
funny that had happened that day, there was a very slight delay between him finishing
his account and Ethan’s woefully inadequate response of ‘yeah’. Although Ethan
was looking at the person speaking, his eyes weren’t focusing on him and even
his smile somehow seemed fake. I saw, as clearly as you can see something that’s
invisible, the barrier between them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Mind you, the guy did leave quite promptly after that. Maybe
I should hire Ethan out as a service to party hosts wanting to get rid of those
last stubborn guests!</span></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-1330273239873325322015-11-26T02:10:00.001-08:002015-11-26T02:10:21.858-08:00Why on earth would anyone marry a man with Aspergers?!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:DoNotShowPropertyChanges/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I suppose I got into a relationship with Ethan for two main
reasons 1) he grounded me and looked after me and was reliable and strong at a
time when I didn't otherwise have those things in my life and 2) I felt I could
help him in the areas where he obviously struggled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was clear to me quite early on that Ethan had trouble
connecting with other people, engaging socially and understanding social
situations and cues. But I wasn’t aware of Ethan’s Aspergers until much, much
later by which time we were married and had children. The relationship was
difficult. We were so different. He frustrated and embarrassed me frequently. I
remember being<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>almost as struck with anxiety
as he was before a night out, nervously hoping that this night he would make
the effort , that he’d speak to people, that he wouldn’t behave like a
miserable git that no-one wanted to be around! I think that was one of the
biggest issues early on: that his behaviour and the lack of effort he made with
people just made him appear miserable and rude. And why would I want to be with
someone like that? We spent a lot of time arguing about how he came across at social
occasions and how I’d feel let down by him. Looking back, it must have been
hugely frustrating and lonely for him – seeing me breezing about easily
chatting to everyone on a night out and knowing that the fact he couldn’t do
this – that he could barely hear people and didn’t know how to talk to them –
would result in me being angry and upset with him later and there was nothing
he could do about it. But at the time, it was inconceivable to me that someone
couldn’t learn how to speak to other people and when my efforts at tutoring him
in the art of sociability didn’t work, I just saw it as him choosing to be inherently
rude and unsociable. A few times we nearly split up – I called off our first
engagement. But somehow we stayed together. I think I saw myself as being the
person who could change him, who could transform his life and outlook. I’ve
always been a sucker for people that ‘need’ me! The other, more positive,
factor though is that his unique blend of traits bought with it some
characteristics that I found really attractive. In one sense he was hard work
but in another, he was really easy. He didn’t want to go out all the time, he
wasn’t out with his mates neglecting me in the evenings, he didn’t go to
football all day on Saturdays (since then, I’ve realised that he has simply
replaced football/sport with his computer!), he was content with me – just me.
And being with him was easy – he didn’t talk a lot, I didn’t have to make the
effort with him all the time, I could be grumpy and monosyllabic and he didn’t
mind. He was always there, always faithful and loyal, always on my side and
very rarely complained about any aspect of me – the fact that he was so quiet
and simple and stable anchored my flitting, emotional, busy, complicated life. Still
today, I am grateful for his simplistic outlook, his unswerving support of me
and his plodding faithfulness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I suppose I thought the big things – his loyalty, his
dedication, his hard work, his love for me, his commitment – were worth more
than him being able to socialise or being positive. I grew to need him, however
much he infuriated me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our relationship and subsequent marriage has never been
easy. In the early years I often fantasised about divorce. I felt lonely often,
despite being surrounded by friends, and was regularly frustrated, hurt, angry
and disappointed by him and his reactions to situations. I spent years trying
to artificially carve out friendships for him which never amounted to anything.
I suppose I felt I needed my decision to be with Ethan endorsed by the fact
that other people wanted to be with him too. The fact he had no real friends
was a constant reminder to me that he was just not a likeable person, which just
reinforced my doubts as to why I was with him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since Ethan has been diagnosed with Aspergers though and I’ve
learnt about and understood the syndrome, life together has got better; good
even. I no longer try to turn him into something he can’t be which means we’re
both less frustrated. We’ve, almost without realising it, made concessions and
compromises in our lives that make space for the other person and their needs
and, I must credit Ethan here, he has changed. I couldn’t see it while it was happening
– it wasn’t happening quickly enough or in the right direction but, looking
back to our first years of marriage, he is so much more sociable. He’s learnt tactics
for monitoring his behaviour and, although it’ll never come naturally, he’s learning
to adapt to circumstances and other people’s needs. He’s even made some friends!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been a rocky, sometimes painful road. But I’ve learnt
so much about myself and discovered that I’m married to a unique, complex,
incredibly loyal and faithful man who never gives up on us despite the fact that
life and relationships are so hard for him. I guess any marriage – any joining
together of two totally separate individuals with different hopes, dreams and personalities
– is going to be hard. In the end I think it boils down to whether the two of
you are prepared to make it work, however much that demands of you. We both
needed to be willing to change – not the essence of who we were but how we
behaved and reacted, and we both needed to be willing to have our views,
perceptions and expectations of life fine-tuned by the other. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I write this, Ethan is making me a bacon sandwich before
heading off to work for ten hours in the gloom and rain of the day. And he
knows, as he does that, that I’m writing this blog post about how flipin’ difficult
he is! He is, at heart, a kind and loving man. I’m a lucky woman.</div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-48635876348664908082015-11-11T14:54:00.000-08:002015-11-11T14:54:31.489-08:00Gaining his perspective<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:DoNotShowPropertyChanges/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1026"/>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapelayout v:ext="edit">
<o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1"/>
</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m currently writing, with Ethan, a chapter for an e-book
on what it’s like (for both people) to live within an AS/NT partnership. Our
topic is family occasions and the idea is that I’ll write about some family
occasions that I’ve experienced with Ethan and then Ethan will give his take on
the same situations. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The process of comparing our different views to the same
events is enlightening!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Without giving too much away, I talk about a family
Christmas at my sister’s house when about thirty people were having a jolly old time: and two weren't. Ethan spent the evening switching between looking vacant and
detached or disapproving and contemptuous. Sometimes he managed to roll out all
four looks simultaneously. I was miserable because it was yet another social
gathering in which Ethan was being rude, disengaged and downright unpleasant.
And I felt embarrassed, frustrated, upset and angry at him. I just wanted us both to be
able to relax and have a nice time. I
distinctly remember looking past the faces of a roomful of laughing, happy,
sociable people during a game of chubby bunnies and seeing Ethan glaring at the
scene unfolding before him with a look somewhere between confusion and disgust,
and my heart genuinely sinking into the pit of my stomach. In my head (as it
had been many times before and has been since) that was the end for us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Ethan showed me yesterday what he’d written about the
same occasion, I realised that I’d never actually asked him before to explain
to me what was going on inside his head at the time. Ethan talks about the noise,
about trying his hardest to engage and be sociable but having to almost
instantly give up on conversation with people as the surrounding noise of
people, music, kids shouting and other conversations, made it impossible for
him to hear what a person was saying to him. He talks about how he was noticing
the dog and cats and seeing little fingers touching food on the buffet table –
wondering about the cleanliness of the house and whether, prior to us arriving,
the dog and cats had been sniffing around the food too. He was thinking about
how bright the room was and the poor quality of the lightbulbs. Then, during
the playing of Chubby Bunnies (a custom he’d never heard of, let alone
encountered) he was genuinely confused. To him, this wasn’t a game. It was
gluttony. There was no point to it, nothing fun about it, no challenge to it;
just another opportunity for people – even children – to stuff their faces with
more unhealthy food. Thus began an internal scrutiny of the parents in the room
for letting their children gorge themselves on so much sugar. I don’t know what
he must have thought when I had a go – who did he have to blame for that?!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I realise that all of this doesn’t make for a very fun person spec. But it does explain where he was
coming from. His brain simply could not by-pass the practical aspects of what
he was seeing: how is stuffing yourself with marshmallows until they drop out
of your mouth fun? Sensually, he was over-stimulated, anxious and completely
out of his comfort zone: he was drowning. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My reaction was to glare at him, to mutter quietly to him about
what a miserable, awful person he was, to tell him how he had ruined the
evening for me and probably for everyone else. Psychologically, instead of throwing
him a rope, I pushed him further under. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Things are a lot better these days. We’ve had a diagnosis
for one – so a whole new level of understanding has opened up to us both. And we’ve
learnt to cope better with social situations. It’s required us both to adapt –
Ethan more than me – and to make some changes to what might be our default
settings. And we’ve adopted some techniques and compromises to make life easier.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’re still together so we must be getting better at
understanding each other’s worlds. Writing the chapter for this e-book is just another
part of the journey. </div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-40876642964816386552015-09-20T14:04:00.000-07:002015-09-20T14:06:33.891-07:00It's not my fault!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:DoNotShowPropertyChanges/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1026"/>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapelayout v:ext="edit">
<o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1"/>
</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Definitely near the top of my list of most annoying traits
of a spouse with Aspergers Syndrome is his need to find someone to blame,
outside of himself, for everything that goes wrong.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
In Ethan’s case, the trait expands to everyone in his
immediate family. But far from being endearing or protective or loyal, it’s
just silly and annoying – as if we are an extension of him and nothing that is
any part of him can ever be to blame for anything.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last week, when I was re-telling how Oliver had been told
off for swinging on the goal post at football training, his defensive response
was ‘He was probably bored.’ When I pointed out that this coach gives up every
Saturday morning to ‘train’ a distracted bunch of four and five year olds for
very little money often in the pouring rain and does an amazing job of it and that
perhaps we should be grateful rather than critical (and that no-one else was
swinging on the goal posts), he changed his stance to ‘I didn’t mean that, I
meant Oliver was probably just hanging around doing nothing’ ARGH.THAT MEANS
THE SAME THING - JUST IN DIFFERENT WORDS!!! I gave up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The same week, Ethan took a cheque to work. It had been
given to us by the school PTA to reimburse us for something and had been sitting
around on the kitchen side for weeks. Instead of cashing it, Ethan lost it.
Rather than saying sorry, he snapped at me: ‘Why are they giving us cheques? No
one does cheques any more. Why couldn’t they just do a bank transfer like
everyone else?’ Frustrated that he’d lost the cheque and unable to handle the
concept of it being his fault, his blame of the school for giving him a cheque
in the first place was almost caricature-style funny. Except it wasn’t, because
I’m living with this every day and it’s frustrating and unattractive and depressing.
Next he told me that I’d have to tell the school we needed a new cheque. Erm,
no because 1) you lost it, not me and 2) it’s ‘our’ mistake not theirs (I’m
even willing to share the blame when it’s not directly my fault!). Asking them
to write us another cheque which then has to be countersigned by two people because
we’ve lost the first one is just embarrassing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the plus side, he’s just made me an Ovaltine – even though
he knows I’m writing a blog post moaning about him. And the other night when I
couldn’t sleep, he got up with me at 2am hugged me, made me (another) drink and
stroked my hair, even though he had to be up at 6am for work. He’s very loyal
and faithful – but I wish it wasn’t at the expense of him being willing to
admit that we, him included, get things wrong sometimes and it’s no-one’s fault
but ours. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-83976812136013636382015-08-29T06:31:00.001-07:002015-08-29T06:31:43.462-07:00Still here...still muddling!So just sitting in the (all too rare) summer sunshine at Lightwater valley theme park with my youngest while Ethan takes the older two on some underground dinosaur monstrosity - and finally have a few minutes to write a blog post!<br />
For those of you who have been concerned, I'm not languishing in a dreary cell having murdered my Aspergers husband, not am I killed by him for nagging & criticising once too often! I've just found myself suddenly indescribably busy with three big work contracts happening at once & three kids off for the summer. Plus an AS husband taking up far more energy than an average relationship might. Something had had to give - and it couldn't be my family or the work I'm getting paid for...Rest assured we (my AS husband & I) are still muddling through.<br />
Just this morning as we entered the theme park, he told our youngest son to go & push over a poor unsuspecting student looking to earn some money over the summer by hanging around in a giant Angry bird costume...and our son did. A colleague had to come over to stop the 'angry bird' from actually toppling over & to tell our son, who was merely obeying his father's orders, not to push! When questioned as to why Ethan thought it a good idea to tell Oliver to go & whack a man dressed in a costume, he genuinely didn't know why he'd said it. I, baffled by his strange brain, pushed & pushed as to how he couldn't know why he said it & he, frustrated & embarrassed by his strange brain, got irritated by my pushing. What I have learnt, most of the time, since starting my blog, is when to stop pushing & to just accept that he does weird things sometimes, often almost involuntarily & that me telling him how odd/rude/unpleasant he is, just makes things worse. So I stopped pushing for an explanation, accepted his mumbled apology & the day was salvaged.<br />
But, like I say, we're still muddling through...and always will be, like everyone if we're honest, AS or not.Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-17428303592574927302015-05-19T11:03:00.002-07:002015-05-19T11:03:25.128-07:00Aspergers and partying at home!<div class="MsoNormal">
Beginning to regret having my 40th birthday party at home.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ethan is single-handedly turning our back room into a nightclub
with an excess of lights, lasers and twinkly stars all over the place. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And he's just announced that he's going to put a padlock and
hazard tape over our trampoline to stop drunken revelers from bouncing on it.
Feel like a teenager about to have a party with my well-meaning but embarrassingly
uptight dad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, unless he cheers up, it's going to be like hosting a
party with Victor Meldrew. He's been
totally miserable to live with the last few days. Shouting at the kids,
speaking aggressively to me over little
things like whether the hamster needs to go in his exercise ball and managing to turn even positive, kind happenings (my sister offered to have
the kids for us so we can pack for holiday) into something negative ('We both need
to be packing that day. You can't go driving the kids over to Rotherham'). In
actual fact, I think the issue is over his mid-life-crisis of a car that he
doesn't want me to drive which I would need to drive if I was to take the kids
to Rotherham so that he could be packing our family car with the camping stuff.
The car in question is the ridiculous purchase that almost ruined us that I
never agreed with him buying, that we don't all fit in, that we can't afford and that now,
I've discovered, I'm not even allowed to drive!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Happy birthday me!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-37813845486904889012015-05-14T02:26:00.002-07:002015-05-14T02:26:23.029-07:00Aspergers and having two of everything!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:DoNotShowPropertyChanges/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our house is full of money...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We have change everywhere – in pretty much every drawer of
the house and in both cars. It can’t be touched or, heaven forbid, used. It’s
our back-up money which, it seems, is destined to a life of sitting idly in a
drawer doing nothing. Knowing it’s there – that each drawer in the house is
fully stocked with loose change, somehow brings security for Ethan. Personally,
I’d feel more secure if we gathered all of this change up and used it to pay
off at least some of our overdraft. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Still, that’s the way it is and, I must admit, the emergency
stash of pound coins in the car have come in useful more than once (even if I
do get told off by Ethan for actually using the money!) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What’s rather more frustrating is his habit of having to
have two of everything...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A toothbrush in both bathrooms (plus a spare in the bathroom
drawer), deodorant in both bathrooms, his own special towels in each bathroom, two
pairs of sunglasses – one for each car, boxes of tissues everywhere (in the
car, on the kitchen side, in the front room, on the hall table, on his bedside
table, in the bathroom), two cars, two microwaves, two sheds...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You get the idea. It’s a small matter but why he can’t pick
his toothbrush up from one bathroom and take it into the other is beyond me,
same goes for his sunglasses. He lost a pair recently. We had a couple of days
of frustrated, moodiness when he couldn’t find them. I knew, from previous
experience, that they would turn up. And they did – but not before he, unable
to live in the knowledge that he only had one locatable pair of sunglasses,
that things weren’t right – bought a new pair. The next day I found his old pair,
without even looking. That pair has now become his ‘house sunglasses’...for
those days when the sun coming through the windows in our north facing house is
just too bright!</div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-90717057664423522772015-04-28T14:11:00.002-07:002015-04-28T14:11:19.658-07:00Aspergers and negative reactions<div class="MsoNormal">
A short (and not that sweet) entry this week but am sure
that many of you will relate...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes (often) it's the little but constant things that
are the most annoying and disheartening to deal with.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday, over dinner, I was telling Ethan about the
activities that Ava was going to be doing on her school residential in a couple
of weeks. The conversation went something like this:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me (cheerily): The itinerary sounds really full on. They get
them up at 7am, activities start at 8.30am and go right through until 9pm at
night. They're doing abseiling, canoeing, raft-making, climbing, caving,
obstacle courses, team-building...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ethan (disdainfully): I hope they've got some good supervision.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that was the end of that conversation. It was so
irritating that, out of all the ways he could have responded -said how good it
sounded, what a great time she'd have, even just an 'oh wow' - that he said
something negative and scathing. It's like his mind is auto-set to respond in
the most negative way possible to every piece of information. I understood his point - they
would need good supervision with that many kids doing those kinds of activities
and it was a valid concern. But maybe mention that after you've said how good
it sounds or, if you're going to take that as your initial approach, say it in
a half-jokey 'wow, it's gonna be crazy' kind of a way. There was none of that with
Ethan, just negativity. And the effect on me was instant deflation.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I finished my food, popped my plate in the dishwasher and went
upstairs to put the kids to bed, feeling weary. </div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-64677097020292151512015-04-21T02:39:00.001-07:002015-04-21T02:39:39.595-07:00Aspergers and how to lace a trainer!<div class="MsoNormal">
Loved what someone wrote on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/differenttogether/" target="_blank">Different-together Facebookpage</a> recently about rising above our present circumstances and learning,
sometimes slowly and painfully, to let things go...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I loved it because, through experience, I've found it to be
the best way. Most of the time my AS husband doesn't mean things the way they
come out - he uses the wrong words and the wrong tone of voice and the wrong
facial expression (if he uses one at all). All these things combine to produce
the overall effect of him seeming irritated, angry, miserable - or all three. The
times that I have been able to stay calm, not take offence and gently point out
how he's coming across, he's been genuinely surprised and sorry. The problem is
that I am human. And NT. And sometimes, whatever my logical side tells me, my
emotional side, which feels hurt and cross and fed up, wins out. So too often,
the way that I know I should respond isn't the way that I do respond: rather
than point out gently, I lash out angrily. This makes Ethan defensive and cross
(because, after all, in his mind he was just communicating information and I,
as usual, have gone all intense and completely flown off the handle about
nothing). Arguments, tension and resentment follow...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.hemihelp.org.uk/files/shoelacing1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.hemihelp.org.uk/files/shoelacing1.jpg" /></a>...take the incident of the trainers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We were running late (as usual). I asked Ethan to help the
kids get their shoes on. Sam had a pair of new, never-before-worn trainers that
he desperately wanted to wear. A couple of seconds later, Ethan's dulcet tone
range out down the hallway...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Who's
threaded these laces?" he shouted aggressively (to my ears). "They're
done completely wrong." He followed this angry statement with an exaggerated
sigh.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I stomped down the hallway. I was instantly irritated:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a) that Ethan was shouting at me about the laces on Sam's trainers
rather than just sorting them out (as I would have done).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
b) that Ethan was claiming that the laces were threaded
'wrong' when actually they were just threaded differently to how he would have
done it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
c) that Ethan was looking for someone to blame and shout at
because he was frustrated (the fact that he was overly frustrated over such a
tiny thing annoyed me too).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn't process my thoughts so clearly at the time. I just
felt generally fed-up and annoyed with him. So I didn't do what I should have
done. I shouted back at Ethan, told him how annoying and unpleasant he was, how
difficult to live with. I grabbed the trainer out of his hands and started re-lacing
them myself. While I was doing this, I told him, angrily, that this was the way
kids had their laces threaded these days, that they'd come from the shop like
this, that they weren't 'wrong' just not the way he would have them, etc, etc. He
shouted back, telling me to stop patronising him, that the shoes were actually
threaded wrong because he couldn't pull them tight, that I always had to take
over, etc, etc. Exasperated, I shouted that if he didn't want me to 'take over'
then he should have sorted it quietly by himself in the first place instead of shouting
at everyone else about it. He shouted back...you get the idea!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the middle of all this, Ava shouted at both of us to stop
arguing. She told us that we were behaving like kids arguing over how a trainer
was laced up and that IT DIDN'T MATTER!! She laboured the point a bit and, at
the time, infuriated us both more. But she was completely right. More
importantly, she was showing us how much the kids hate it when we fight.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later on, when I'd calmed down, I apologised to Ethan
(although I couldn't resist pointing out that he was at fault too!) We both
recognised that we'd handled the situation badly and he explained that he
didn't mean to sound like he was angry. And I was reminded how right that lady
was when she wrote about letting things go.</div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7865747070830670145.post-67125487968423867052015-04-14T13:44:00.001-07:002015-04-14T13:44:20.341-07:00Living with an NT can be really hard work!<div class="MsoNormal">
There are times - the whole of yesterday being one of them -
when I realise that, in equal measure (perhaps more so) Ethan could be writing
a blog about how hard it is to live with me!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday we had a family day out. I spent most of the day
jabbing verbally at Ethan. On the car journey there I had a go at him for getting
overly irritated with a bad driver - hooting his horn and gesticulating rudely
(one of the few times he does employ body language!). When we were there I had
a go at him for being 'selfish' for not being willing to go in the haunted
house with Sam for a second time (it was a bit - the point wasn't really whether
he wanted to or not but the fact that Sam wanted him to, a point that seemed lost
on him). When he gave the cone bit of his ice-cream to Oliver I told him he was
lazy for not taking it to the bin. And when he got concerned about where Ava
was, I criticised him for fussing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I may have had a point on some of these things (his attitude
towards other drivers over tiny things when he himself drives with absolutely
no courtesy for anyone else at all really makes me mad) but, over the course of
the day, I had done many things that could have warranted criticism or being
called selfish. I'd been bossy and controlling, I'd been irritable, I'd stressed
over things that didn't really matter. Through all of it, Ethan kept quiet. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Right at the end of the day, Oliver wanted his long-sleeved
top on to go on a twisty, turny 'hang on for dear life' kind of a ride with me.
On searching for the top, we realised that Ethan had taken it back to the car
already. I had a go at Ethan (of course) and then looked for the car keys. I couldn't find them
and blamed Ethan for losing them, stating that he had gone to the car last. I
was convinced he had and proceeded to tell him, step-by-step, why I was right.
He was convinced that I was the last one to have the keys and tried to explain to
me calmly but firmly why he was right. I very quickly got really annoyed and louder
and angrier, the kids backed away, other people at the place stared at us. I
just went on and on about why I was right and why he was so annoying. I was
horrible. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the end, he walked away (we'd found the keys), went to
the car and got the top for Oliver. When he got back, Oliver excitedly grabbed
the top and pulled eagerly at my arm, pleading with me to come on the ride. Ignoring
him, I picked up where I'd left off and continued ranting at Ethan about how
wrong and annoying and infuriating he was. He told me how horrible I was to
spend time with and Oliver gave up and went on the twisty, turny thing by
himself. Ethan walked away. Seething, I cornered Oliver on
the ride and asked him whether he'd gone
to the car with daddy before or after the ice-cream (this was the crucial point
in the argument about whether Ethan or I had gone to the car last). "We
had an ice-cream after we came back from the car, mummy," said Oliver simply
and innocently. Just the facts. And, in that instant, I realised that he - and
Ethan - were right. I'd been the last one to go to the car. Which meant that, the whole time I'd been shouting at Ethan about him being wrong and unwilling to accept what I
was saying, I'd been wrong and unwilling to accept what Ethan was saying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I said sorry and Ethan was nice. He didn't give me a hard
time or dwell on it or repeatedly bring it up. He accepted my apology and we
moved on. That was it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can't help but think, if the boot was on the other foot,
I'd be writing a blog entry about him right now - about how awful and
impossible it is to live with a husband with Aspergers, how thoughtlessly he behaves in front of the
kids and how long-suffering I am.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some of the posts on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/different.together" target="_blank">different-together facebook page </a>lately are about Aspies being 'right'
and I do recognise these traits in Ethan. The difference between him and me is
that generally, he only insists he's right about something when he knows he is (so
they tend to be practical or scientific issues) and he explains calmly (and persistently) why. I, on the other hand, insist I'm right often and impulsively (when quite
often I'm not) and go about it passionately, emotionally and intensely. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We're
not always the easier breed to live with!</div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09427610766862329769noreply@blogger.com0