On the one hand, my Aspergers husband is tuned in to the fine details of life - the exact shade of green in a spring meadow, what someone is saying on the other side of a crowded, noisy pub, the type of moulding on a kitchen knife that a person is using to chop salad when we go round for dinner...
On the other hand, details that are actually important completely pass him by. A couple of weeks ago, in a bid to find enough snow to sledge on, we drove into the countryside. The road we stopped on was fairly narrow and the curb was high - definitely a 'park two wheels on the pavement' job. There were two points at which Ethan could have driven up a drop curb onto the path (which I pointed out twice - once for each drop curb). Yet he completely ignored me (he said later he didn't hear me - although I was speaking loud and clear. The reality was that he was aware I was speaking but wasn't actually listening to what I was saying - a too frequent, very frustrating pattern). He rammed the car up the full curb, too fast, and burst our car tyre (the £150 car tyre that had been fitted a month earlier). I was adamant the kids should at least get a go with their sledge out of the whole sorry incident - but it was no fun. I was hugely p****d off, he was grumpy and distant and, although they gave it their best shot, it was hard for the kids to have unhindered fun in-between two frosty parents.
In his defence (because, of course, that's the approach he took. A man with Aspergers, at least my man with Aspergers, finds it so hard to accept responsibility and say he's sorry) Ethan says that he didn't realise the curb was so high. And yet he works in facts and practicalities. I'm not car aware at all and even I could see that the curb was flipin' huge! And anyway I TOLD HIM! If only he'd listen.
The second incident, and I know I just sound like a frustrated wife moaning about her husband now...is that he threw away my year planner. Fair enough, you may think, since 2014 is well and truly over. But this was a September to September year planner. And it was covered in my scrawl highlighting important dates, deadlines, when I'm away with work, etc. It wasn't his fault though (of course it wasn't) because he didn't realise it ran until September (is there a theme emerging here?!) That's OK then. Although it did say, in very large bold letters across the top: Year planner: 2014-2015. But it's unreasonable of me to expect him to actually read what something says - or, indeed, to simply ask me if I want to keep what's mine. Silly thought.