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Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Aspergers and 'having a project'

Feels rather petty and self-indulgent to be writing about the 'hardships' of living with Aspergers when such horrific events are unfolding in the world.
Also, I really don't feel that I can moan about Ethan recently (even though he is still demolishing all the nice food without a thought for saving any for me). Of course there have been moments when I wish he'd been more sociable, when he's sounded aggressive without meaning to and when he's worded things badly. But I'm learning to let some things go - for all of our sake's because, actually, Ethan really does have a big heart and he really does care and, most of the time, he really does try to be the best person he can be.
In fact, it's me that's been moody lately (I blame having three kids at home full-time!) - and Ethan has been very gracious about it and hasn't blasted me with all the criticism that I would probably have blasted him with if the boot had been on the other foot.
Ethan's upbeat spirit, despite it being the summer holidays, may be something to do with the fact he has a project to lose himself in: he's in the process of fitting sound insulation in the front room. It means loads of work, hassle and expense - all in a bid to block out the sound of the neighbours sneezing (personally, I quite like hearing sounds of life through the wall but Ethan can't bear it). Currently our office is stacked high with padded insulation boards and Ethan is spending many a happy hour scouring through forums in which like-minded people discuss the minutiae of plasterboards and fibre-putty.
But he's happy. His days have purpose. He has a practical mission to involve himself in. And that's when Ethan is at his best.


  1. You're right Laura, having a project to focus on seems to make them easier to live with. Mr H is pretty useless at DIY of any kind, but give him a task like " upload all of our CD collection onto the computer, categorise and label it etc", and he's a quiet and happy bunny for weeks.
    Hannah x

    1. Giving my partner specific tasks has offered me islands of 'respite' whilst getting a job done and also a chance for her to build up her own self esteem. A win win situation ensues. We must be proactive in creating the times of peace that can feed our souls if we are to survive in our mixed culture relationships it seems to me. X