I've discovered that it's impossible for me to off-load
light-heartedly with Ethan about the kids, situations - or anything really.
What evolves, with other people, into good-natured but
exasperated exchanges of frustration, with Ethan becomes unsatisfying at best, negative
and dark at worst. When I vent humorously with Ethan about the kids, he
completely misses the humour bit. He sees it as me dumping negative emotion and
experiences onto him, causing him to glare at me or walk away. Or he sees it as
a requirement from me for him to resolve the issue and starts proposing very
practical solutions. Never does he give the reaction I want and need which is
to say, with a resigned but affectionate smile, 'Oh no, what a nightmare...how
much is boarding school again?!' and give me a hug.
Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe other dads/husbands, even
without Aspergers, also wouldn't banter jovially about the annoying behaviour
of their kids. But other couples do seem to laugh, or at least have lighter moments,
much more than we do.
Today, with the help of a little friend, the boys managed to
spill an entire tub of white emulsion onto Sam's bedroom carpet. I spent an
hour mopping up the worst of it before Ethan got home - surprised at the
strength in my own arm muscles! What I'd like to say happened when Ethan came
home to see a whitish coloured wet patch on Sam's carpet is for him to comment
on the nice range of rugs they do in IKEA...that isn't the reaction I got.
Rather, it involved lots of sighing, complaining, blame and gloomy predictions
about how the carpet would go crusty when the wet patch dried. The only person
he didn't blame was himself - for not removing the paint tin from Sam's room
after he'd finished painting the windowsill - five months ago!
Off on holiday on Saturday - for two weeks. Bliss, I hope.
Even with three exasperating kids and a humourless Aspie in tow!
Catch up when I'm back.
Have a fab holiday Laura, hope it as as chilled as it can be!
ReplyDeleteHannah x
I totally empathise with your comments about needing support when you offload about the kids. When I tell my husband about anything they've done he generally reacts angrily rather than with a bit of humour or light hearted commen
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