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Friday, 8 February 2013

Baked beans, babycinnos and Aspergers

So, yesterday's euphoria and happy, positive thoughts about my lot in life weren't to last...
Nothing earth-shattering happened. It had been a pretty good day. But, around tea-time, things began to unravel.
After 3 days away with work, my husband had taken our eldest son, Sam, to the barber's after school. Partly for some father-son time, partly because his hair resembled Einstein's. The plan was, and I'd gone through this with my husband, that they'd go to the barbers and then for a babycinno (as a way of making the haircut trip more appealing for Sam).
At 5pm, Ethan (my husband) came through the door with Sam trailing behind crying. As I heard the words 'I'll make you a babycinno here' my heart sank. It sank even further when I said (OK, a little aggressively) 'I can't believe you didn't go for a babycinno. Sam was looking forward to that. You knew you were meant to be going for a babycinno after the haircut...' and Ethan responded (typically for an Aspie, I'm discovering) by trying to pin the blame on someone else and accusing me of not telling him about the babycinno.
Things continued in the same vein as, during tea, Ethan took issue with our daughter 'not finishing her dinner properly' - having left half a baked bean and a bit of bean juice (I kid you not). I tried to interject but was too late. Ethan had already made an issue of it. Followed by Ava then making an issue about the fact that Ethan had made an issue. Ethan seemed to find it impossible to back down. Not able to admit that, actually, he was being a bit harsh and half a bean probably didn't really matter. When Ava ate her half a bean and then threw her fork down, he saw his chance to authenticate the path he'd gone down and put her in the naughty room. I was inwardly wishing that I could put Ethan in the naughty room and leave him there. The awful truth was that life had seemed happier and more peaceful when he was away.
I hate it when Ethan's Aspergers plays out on the kids. His forgetfulness and vagueness meaning Sam misses out and gets disappointed. His desire for total order (even on a dinner plate), his inflexibility and his inability to back down and admit he's made a mistake meaning Ava ends up in the naughty room - even when she's eaten her dinner well.
On the positive side, Ethan bought me the book Aspergers for Dummies yesterday. He really wants me to understand him and his ways (and therefore cut him a bit more slack I'm guessing!) And I really want to understand more too. It's just finding the time. And, after incidents like yesterdays, the inclination...

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